Friday, October 30, 2009

Making Space

I'm preparing to head out for my evening walk and thinking. Mostly I am thinking about how I am slowly but surely making spaces in my life for the things that matter. I spent the past weekend (with the help of my burly partner) moving our bedroom furniture all around. When we bought this house way back in December, we did little more than paint and throw our stuff into each room.

The process of looking for a home that would work for three adults and one kidlet while sorting out the financial issues had taken months of time consuming and emotionally draining energy. So, when moving day finally arrived and reality sunk in, I'm not sure I was prepared the way I imagined I would be. The past five years of being in Portland have been ones of tremendous growth but also of relative instability. I had been very limited to the possessions I sought and sensitive to the space I created being temporary. Many decisions were ruled by my, "but will it be right in a few years?" thought.

Combine the living space issue with a new relationship (living together and all) and it's been a perfect storm of uncertainty. But now the horizon seems calmer. And I want to nest. I find myself still experiencing fear as I bring new things into the home, imagining a future in which I am forced to move quickly and without warning, trying desperately to figure out what to do with all these possessions. Or what to do without a partner...or any money...or...But I'm trying to come out of the bubble and let go of those fears, and that is making space for all kinds of new things.